Here we are again on the shortest day of the year. The official beginning of winter. And here for me a bright sunny day with some clouds and a blanket of snow pulled over the ground - the first snow we've had this winter. It's beautiful!
Every year on the Winter Solstice, there are things I do. Greet the dawn. Light a candle at dusk. And somewhere in between, spend at least a little time thinking about what I want to take from the old year into the new, because this is a day for renewal.
So many things have happened to me this year. I've moved to a new house, finished the first draft of a novel, gotten active in my own spiritual life again, taken a good look at my D/s relationship, joined FetLife, came to the end of one Path and started another, told my immediate family I'm kinky, changed occupations, met my soul's sister and made several new and wonderfully diverse friends. It's been a busy year, and one with many, many changes.
I joke about the fact that I'm getting out more by saying I'm coming out of my cave, but that's really what it feels like. Like I've been dwelling alone and all the light and noise out here is overwhelming, but in a good way. If that makes any sense. I'm loving the discussions that make me think, the presence of my spirit guides almost constantly nearby again, the touches of people who aren't afraid to be intimate, and all the new experiences. I'm almost giddy with it all, sometimes.
It's this happiness, this feeling of being (in a way) new again that I am taking with me into next year. My new and old friends, the new insights, my optimism about the novel, my renewed hunger for life and learning. And I'll also be taking along some very old and dear things.
The most enduring is this. Many many years ago, as I was beginning to understand some of what my spirituality meant to me, I made a very important choice. I accepted that the earth is my Mother, the sun my Father, and the Creator is the source of my spirit. And I gave myself back to them in service. I marked the occasion with a necklace of stone and other beads, a close fitting thing I take off only to repair and restring. It looks like a collar on purpose. It is one.
Since then I've learned a lot, grown into my abilities (there's always more to learn) and gotten more comfortable with myself. Comfortable enough to give voice to things I've never talked about, like my confused gender identity and my kinky mind that enjoys tying people up and playing with them like toys. Comfortable enough to say flat out that I personally belong to Mother Earth, that I serve as my Father Sun's energy worker, and that my Creator made me as I am for a purpose to which I am submissive before anything else.
This Winter Solstice my heart is filled with peace from knowing and accepting all of that once more. I feel more whole than I have felt in many years, more comfortable in my mind and in my skin, and ready to face the challenges the new year may bring.
In joy, in love, in peace, I share these thoughts with you, my friends.
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